Use The 5 Love Languages to Love Others This Valentine’s Day
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It’s Valentine’s Day.
What’s your favorite way to honor your loved ones on this holiday?
Flowers? Candy? Hallmark-worthy words of admiration?
Don’t get me wrong, gifts are great! Most of us, myself included, enjoy giving and receiving the occasional token of sentiment or two.
It’s a way to communicate to one another that we care. It’s also one of the 5 Love Languages.
A New Way To Communicate
Human beings are communicative creatures. Yet, the majority of our communication has very little to do with the spoken word.
Experts estimate that as much as 80-90% of our communication is nonverbal.
Given those startling statistics, it beseeches us to learn how to talk with one another without saying a word.
Marriage Counselor, author, minister, and radio host Dr. Gary Chapman did just this in 1992 when he first introduced the concept of The 5 Love Languages. What began over thirty years ago as a therapeutic tool to foster healthy communication has now become a global phenomenon – a common practice employed by professionals and laypersons alike.
The 5 Love Languages Defined
The premise of The 5 Love Languages® book is quite simple: different people with different personalities give and receive love in different ways. By learning to recognize these preferences in yourself and in your loved ones, you can learn to identify the root of your conflicts, connect more profoundly, and truly begin to grow closer.
What are The 5 Love Languages?
- Acts of Service. “For these people, actions speak louder than words.”
- Receiving Gifts. “For some people, receiving a heartfelt gift is what makes them feel most loved.”
- Quality Time. “This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.”
- Words of Affirmation. “This language uses words to affirm other people.”
- Physical Touch. “To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than the appropriate physical touch.”
Want to know more about the 5 Love Languages in depth? Check out these videos at www.5lovelanguages.com.
Determining Your Love Language(s)
While succinct and simple to understand, Dr. Gary Chapman’s concept is far from simplistic. Conversely, it takes a willingness to dive deeper when it comes to relationships. Relationship with self and with others.
First, one must be open to doing something we all tend to dread a bit, looking in the mirror. This mirror, however, is a bit more intimate and invasive than your average wall decor. This mirror reflects our inner thoughts, desires, and needs. We examine our values, our core beliefs, and sometimes, our fears. In therapy, we have a fancy term for this process, introspection.
Next, we need a willingness to get to know others. We can accomplish this goal in one of two ways, by paying close attention to other people’s preferences or by simply asking questions.
Not quite sure which category you fall into? Try out this quiz to find out.
The Golden Rule Versus The Platinum Rule
Line up one hundred therapists and you will likely get a hundred different answers as to why Dr. Chapman’s method has not only stood the test of time but also expanded into enhancing all sorts of relationships, not just marriage.
Here is my take.
Have you ever heard of the Golden Rule? I’ll bet you have! It’s one of the first relationship principles we learn at a young age.
Treat others the way you wish to be treated.
The Golden Rule
I mean, who doesn’t want others to treat them as they wish to be treated?
Yet there is one inherent flaw to the Golden Rule.
It only takes one person’s perspective into account. Ours.
What if the other person does not want to be treated the way we want to be treated?
This is where the Platinum Rule comes in.
The Platinum Rule says, “Treat others the way they wish to be treated.”
Do you see the difference?
Dr. Gary Chapman did. And a whole new style of communicating and relationship-building was born.
Using Your Love Language to Love Others
By identifying, understanding, and speaking one another’s love language, we can improve our relationships with our spouses, our children, our friends, and even our co-workers!
We start by getting to know ourselves and learning how to relay our desires, preferences, and needs to others.
Since communication is a two-way process, we next need to get to know others and their desires, preferences, and needs.
By paying close attention and by asking directly, we can learn more about what’s important to the people we care about. Using our newfound knowledge as a guide, we learn to love the people in our lives the way they long to be loved.
Along the way, we learn how to love ourselves and learn our to get our needs met healthily. What better way to strengthen our bonds? What better gift to give this Valentine’s Day than the gift of healthy relationships?
As for me and my family? This Valentine’s Day we will be honoring one another’s Love Language by spending quality time together (a primary love language for each of us in our family), giving small gifts (a secondary love language for my son), engaging in acts of service (ordering delivery for dinner so neither adult has to cook), reminding one another of how much we love one another and how thankful we are for one another (words of affirmation), and giving lots of hugs (physical touch).
How will you use the 5 Love Languages to honor the loved ones in your life this Valentine’s Day?
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Blessings,
Kimberly Bennett, LPC, IOH Mom
Founder/CEO, It’s Only Homeschooling
Founder/CEO, The Homeschool Counseling Network
This website is not a professional counseling website and nothing here should be construed as professional counseling advice. Although Kimberly Bennett, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor, she is not your counselor, and no counselor-client relationship is established unless she has signed an agreement with you. All information provided through this website is for informational and educational purposes only.
